I walked into the world and my expectations were shuttered! Where was I? Who were all these people – human beings, I assume – whose muffled sounds, possibly voices, reached me while in my mother’s womb… making me wonder their provenance’s cause and effect?
Were they the prelude or the overture? Were they natural or mechanical? Were they out of surprise, pleasure, or pain? Were they a possible threat or congenially enveloping a soothing poetry? Should I be afraid or mildly cautious until I assess whether they expressed fear or love? Yes I felt the caressing and mild pinching here and there, which was more annoying than creatively helping my feelings and overall consolidating solo experience!
For, after all, I wasn’t anymore in the protective custody of my mother’s womb. Maybe I should match the sounds with the colors of what appeared to be skin covers later to be known as clothing. As my eyes started to focus in recognizing one thing or another, the noises seemed to lower to a whisper, in contrast with the intense looks focusing on me.
Hmm…was I such a curiosity or celebrity? Definitely, I should investigate this as part of my being! That is, my consciousness, given that I didn’t have too many points of reference at the time, though I was a quick learner! Almost subconsciously, I started to inventory which sounds belonged to which vision, separate from some muffled music coming from outer space, or maybe the other room.
Yak, yak, yak… Which language in the world were they speaking in? And what were they saying, although at least their body language seemed to make some sense? Ouch! Stop that! Who they you the permission to pinch my cheeks? It almost hurt and was quite an annoyance, for sure! Some of the sounds were more melodious than the others in tune with certain looks accompanying their desire to hear me comment on their behavior or, at least, demanding help to taste something or relieve myself, for which at the time, I didn’t have a particular name. But I learned fast trying to imitate their lips. Aaah! Wow! Mammy! Daddy! Pooh-pooh! And so on, until I fell asleep sucking on something.
Somehow, the notion of time passing became a slow envelope considering the days’ luminosity and the nights’ darkness unless accompanied by a dancing moon among the stars, when other obstacles would not interfere, like what I learned later to be the clouds or the curtains. And what all the fuss about what I was fed with? Too warm, too cold, too sour, bitter or sweet, thanks God it didn’t take to long to learn about the spices I liked, let alone whether I was on a vegetarian lactose source like my mother’s or someone’s breast, or so called baby food, mixed with God know what and how!
I must admit that it took a few weeks until I felt that I was in focus with which was what, more or less, and accept of refuse their input while being preoccupied with my brain’s organization so that my mind could assess the benefit of the doubt receiving so much information… Wow! Stop that pinching and caressing! I know, I was a naked darling when they were changing or bathing me.
Actually, I derived a sensation of pleasure when touched by professional hands and I wished I could do the same to those handling me but, obviously, I wasn’t yet ready for that, given my baby-size! Or, was that the only impediment? Definitely, I resolved I had to investigate that portion of my maturing era! And so I realized that, willy-nilly, my body
had a mind of its own sometimes in contradiction with what my brain and my mind were reacting to. Obviously, I wasn’t at a stage were I could conclude in wisdom, though I definitely felt that something was happening in that department and direction that my mind’s floating excitement together with my body's trepidations, should have been inventoried and kept the best or, simply, discard them with an optimistic look into the future!
Definitely, I concluded to bite my time, enjoy what ever was going on and feed my memory with as much education as I could absorb under the circumstances. For, after all, I had a sense that I entered the realm and nuances of what a macro or micro family were about, hoping that as time went by, I would be reassured that they were human!
Innuendos – Vol I
Editing: Ileana Matac Arco
©by Ray Arco 11/18/2013